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May 2011

Summer is here (allegedly) and so there won’t be any more snow (hopefully)!  I have to admit that the two things I hate most in the world are snow and kids!

Honest! 

I hated all the white stuff we got earlier this year because of what it did to the ground at George Hall and my lakes. But, at least snow goes away (eventually).  Kids, on the other hand, never go away!

What’s more, they cost a fortune as they get older. Mine certainly do!

I bet Stephen Bunting has never been a problem to anyone......he’s a lovely bloke who wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

As an example,  he booked me for an exhibition with him in the summer  and pulled his leg by calling him a ‘little sh**’ .

 Guess what he said?  ‘Thanks, Bob.  No one has ever called me ‘little’ before!’  I swear that if you trod on his foot he would apologise to you!  The Bullet is a one-ff, and a nice one –off at that,

April Fool’s has now gone, but surely the recent  suggestions  to ‘ban’ alcohol at darts events was a joke?

I certainly wouldn’t drink to that! 

Never mind alcohol,  coffee has been recognised as one of the most addictive drinks in the world.  Not many people know that! I’ll stick to a cup of tea thanks!

Last  month I mentioned that Dr. Patrick Chaplin (or ‘The Professor’ as I call him) had written a new book called Scoring for show, doubles for dough Bobby George’s Darts Lingo and  promised to give you more information this month.

The book is entirely original as there’s been nothing like it published in the world of darts ever. It’s much, much more than just a darts dictionary and The Professor and me are convinced that it will appeal to darts players and fans old and young (but not too young as there is some lively language in there).

We had a great laugh putting it together and we’re sure you’ll laugh too.

Scoring for Show took eighteen months to write and it’s jam-packed with hundreds of words and phrases (and a few stories) that I’ve collected when I’ve been having a great time on the exhibition circuit and loads more that The Professor has found during his (rather less exciting) research.

We all know that ‘Bed and Breakfast’ means a score of 26 but how many know why? 

Why should a score of 77 be greeted with a cry of “Umbrellas!”?

Should the throw line be the ‘oche’ or the ‘hockey’?

Why is the number 33 called a ‘Bull Calf’ in parts of Gloucestershire?

I’m not going to tell you – you’ll have to buy the book! 

Pleased to say that the books are already being pre-ordered on line via Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=SCORING+FOR+SHOW+DOUBLES+FOR+DOUGH&x=17&y=20 or via the publisher’s website www.apexpublishing.co.uk.

Even my old mate Eric Bristow thinks it’s a great read. He said recently “We all knew that Bobby’s language was colourful. This book proves it!”

The Prof described it as ribald (I had to look that up in the dictionary!) which is why he’s a Prof and I’m a humble darts player!!

Why not order your copy now? You know it makes sense!

As you may have read elsewhere in this magazine last month, Marie now has a new passion (other than me!) for power-walking (nothing to do with Phil!).  Once upon a time she couldn’t run fast enough to escape me when I chased her around the house, now she only has to walk and I still can’t catch her!

To be honest I’m delighted that she walks into Ardleigh for the paper, because she saves me on petrol and I get a bit of peace and quiet! Never mind power-walking, she’s a World Champion in power-talking!!!!!!!!

She has tried to get me involved, but the walk from the bar to the oche is far enough for me!!

Had a lovely time at Ladbrokes in Gloucester where I was photographed with a member of Ladbrokes staff who looked just like Adrian Lewis (see photo, he’s on the far right)).  He’s such a ringer that we called him ‘Jackpot’ all day and I reckon Keith Deller should sign him up to use at exhibitions which Adrian can’t do!

By the way, Ladbrokes gave me a £100 charity bet to put on the Ladbrokes World Hurdle and because I never bet I followed the route of most punters by going for the name of the nag, rather than any form guides.

So, unfortunately the money was totally wasted on a horse called ‘Rigour Back Bob’ simply because of my back troubles and the name Bob!

It was so useless that Marie power-walked past him at the meeting and then passed it again on the A12 just outside Colchester!!

We went to see the new musical, The Wizard of Oz at the London Palladium because we thought it was a Simon Whitlock exhibition  night!

Seriously, it was a treat for our anniversary and far more entertaining than Simon, because the ‘Wizard’ at the Palladium was none other than Michael Crawford!  To be honest he doesn’t do much in the show (I could probably do his bit) but Danielle Hope, the young girl who won the TV series that led to Andrew Lloyd Webber giving her the role of ‘Dorothy’ is a wonderful talent and a great singer.

 

She’s on stage for most of the show, and so is her dog ‘Toto’ who also got the role thanks to the TV series.  He’s a little Westy (not a Steve or Tony Westy!) and so talented that at the finale of the show it was Toto that got the standing ovation! Mind you, I half expected Michael Crawford to come on as Frank Spencer and say: ‘Ooh, Dorothy, Toto’s done a whoopsee!!’

By the way, we power-walked to the Palladium from Colchester......it’s only 82 miles and passed that bloody horse on the way again!

Actually, we went by train and had the most amazing adventure on our own Yellow Brick Road – only this one had railway lines!

When we got to Manningtree Station (our local) there was no one in the ticket office, but there was a lovely half Hungarian, Half Turkish (sounds like a meal on a posh menu!)  actress waiting to catch the train.....and her name was Zsa Zsa (honest) and what’s more, she turned out to be the cousin of the famous Zsa Zsa Gabor who is now in her 90’s! 

What are the chances of that happening?

It could only happen to me, but I’m not complaining.  We had a lovely chat and she told us that if the three of us travelled together up to London we would only have to pay for 2 tickets.

So when the ticket bloke finally arrived (he’d gone off the rails!) that’s what we did......three for the price of two, and what a fantasy –  a threesome with me, Marie and an actress! 

You couldn’t make it up, but DAHling (as Zsa Zsa Gabor used to say) it was all perfectly innocent and totally enjoyable as we experienced a real showbiz day.

On the way back I sat opposite an Arab-looking geezer who got up to go to the loo and left his bag on the seat.  I said: ‘Excuse me, mate, but would you mind taking that bag with you, or if you’re getting off I’m coming with you!

Do you know, not one person in the carriage batted an eyelid or said a thing!  But me and the geezer, who turned out to be a very nice student, had a great laugh.

We also went to the Ideal Home Exhibition at Earls Court.  Marie and I love all the gadgets.....having said that, I only bought a couple of belts and Marie got a new thow over for the bed (maybe I don’t warm her up enough nowadays)!

Anyway, this woman recognised me and started a funny conversation. I suppose she was as old as me (early 50’s!) but not as old as Olly (is anyone?).  Only joking, Ol.  You know we all love you.

She said: ‘I’ve watched you on the telly for years and I love your nose so much that I would love to have it’.  Well, I’ve had ladies liking lots of things over the years, but never my nose!  ‘Where would you like my nose, darling?’ I said as I gave her a kiss on her hand.

Let’s face it, something like that is not to be sniffed at, or even sneezed at.....as Marie always tells me, women always nose best!  Get it??

 

It’s been a busy old month and I can’t close without mentioning a couple of shows I did up in Doncaster for Help For Heroes.   I know darts players raise loads of money for lots of charities, but in my opinion Help  For Heroes is the best charity around at the moment because it goes to help our boys and girls fighting so many wars throughout the world. 

They really are all heroes and I salute them.

 

 

 

 

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